OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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