The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
