TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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