Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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