Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
