Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
