there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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