Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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