He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
