we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
