I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
