Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
