Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
