I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
