Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
