Swine flu is the new snow day.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
