Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
