I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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