Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
