He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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