Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
