we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
