Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Text me some of your sweat
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
