u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
