I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
