Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
