at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
