i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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