Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
