i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
