I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
