Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
