No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
