Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
