In the future we'll all be gay
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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