you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
