my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My penis needs a shock collar
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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