hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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