Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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