Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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