Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
In other news, I just burned my penis
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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