I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
