I'm sorry my penis didn't work
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
