Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
