I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
