I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
