So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
