Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
