Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
