If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
