Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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